Settling and Accepting — these two words are important because they describe a perspective which can be altered. Whether conscious or unconscious, this perspective can interfere with your self-worth, satisfaction, and enjoyment of life. When people feel like they’re settling, they should consider the situation they’re in and the actions that may follow.

How is accepting different from settling? Acceptance means acknowledging reality and seeing the beauty in the imperfections of your own life and the lives of others. As a result, you’ll make a transition into a more graceful lifestyle. Accepting things and others as they are is not settling. On the contrary, settling creates a less enjoyable life experience and conjures up unhealthy feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction. Read Table 1 to learn how settling differs from accepting.

Table 1

Settling Accepting Judgmental Assessing interests, openness and curiosity Resists reality Embracing what is present Resigned Hopeful and optimistic Feeling stuck Aware of possibilities Lowered self-esteem Greater confidence and self-esteem Decrease in respect of self and others Increase in respect of self and others Blame Ownership and accountability Thinking you deserve more Appreciating the goodness that is available Focusing on scarcity A focus on abundance Resentful Gratitude Being self-absorbed Understanding what others accept about me Have you ever been in a relationship or a job where you felt as though you were “settling”?

Did you feel like you deserved more? Were your expectations not being met? This can be a very painful and disappointing experience which can conjure up feelings of worthlessness and eat at one’s self-esteem. As a result, you may develop feelings of resentment against people and situations, which in turn will create a deeper dissatisfaction in your life. Resenting people because of these feelings can blind you to the good qualities in yourself and others. However, a shift in perspective will often bring the realization that the person we resented has also endured many of our own quirks and imperfections as well.

Choosing to accept means you are authentically present and true to yourself, empowered and fully engaged in all relationships. The most important part of communication becomes WHO you are in all your conversations. It requires practice, practice, practice in being REAL, being PRESENT, being 100% ACCOUNTABLE for our experience and showing up with positive energy. It means consciously staying aware of WHO we desire to BE in each conversation. Imagine the emotional charge that gets diffused when someone engaged in a conversation with an attitude of acceptance. How would BEING calm, peaceful, and fully composed change the conversation and the relationship over time? What a simple and exciting breakthrough!

Now, before you say to yourself, “Well, that is a pretty “Pollyanna,” rose-colored and delusional view of life,” think a bit deeper. Which perspective serves you better? Which perspective leaves you feeling stuck and miserable? Which perspective creates more space and possibility? From which perspective are you more likely to take bold positive action?

Face it. It’s pretty hard to be at your best when you feel resentful, unworthy, resigned, and unvalued. Thoughts create emotions and actions soon follow. That said, choosing acceptance over settling seems more appealing as it empowers you to improve relationships and situations. By changing our mindset, we can create a different experience–a more fulfilling life. When we respect ourselves and others, the relationships we have shift and begin generating more positive attention and actions in our lives.

How can you develop a more discerning perspective? How can accepting change the way you connect and communicate with others? How does your demeanor change when you accept rather than settle? Now is a good time to begin talking to yourself differently. Whenever you have the opportunity today, choose to accept rather than settle.

To dive deeper and discover more about whether you have been settling or accepting the people in your life ask yourself the Great 8 Questions:

1. What do I think about settling and accepting in my life and my current relationships?
2. How do I feel about settling and accepting in my current life and relationships?
3. What impact does settling and accepting have on my life, my partner, my family and/or my career?
4. What am I learning about settling and accepting?
5. Ideally what do I want from the relationship or situation where I have been settling?
6. What is the first most important step I can take in that direction?
7. How can I better discern my perspective and actions?
8. How can I support myself or ask for the support I need?

“I also remember the moment my life changed, the moment I finally said, ”I’ve had it! I know I’m much more than I’m demonstrating mentally, emotionally, and physically in my life’.’ I made a decision in that moment which was to alter my life forever. I decided to change virtually every aspect of my life. I decided I would never again settle for less than I can be.” ~ Anthony Robbins

Jessica Miller-Merrill has the answer! Read about it here.

You don’t have the power to make life “fair” but you do have the power to make life joyful.  – Jonathan Lockwood Huil